If the Fox Baltimore web site weren't a useless piece of crap, I could link to their story on a bus beating in the Northern. Since they don't provide a permanent link, I'll just quote the story:
Another attack on board a city bus.Because it's Monday morning and I'm in no shape to tolerate both unruly teens and incompetent journalists, I'm opening a Baltimore Crime contest. Whoever finds the most grammatical and/or journalistic mistakes in that stupid article and presents them in a suitably snarky manner will win the warm glow of knowing you made me laugh. Plus, if we're ever in the same room, I'll buy you a beer.
This time, a bus driver is assaulted by a group of kids.
It happened sunday afternoon at 39th and Greenmount in North Baltimore.
Police tell us the kids were playing around on the bus and threw some kind of liquid on the driver.
The driver called for help.
She was taken to the hospital as a precaution.
Police arrested all of the kids involved.
In case attacking bus drivers isn't enough fun for you, you can always attack a paramedic.
... or a cab driver. Hardworking Aston Beadle, 63, was shot in the abdomen in the county June 4 after telling his would-be robber that he had no money. Police have no leads.
Circuit Judge Emory A. Plitt Jr. "makes it clear he'll have plenty to say" about both Kevin Johns and the Maryland correctional system.
The Examiner gives more about the wacky antics of the Bolden family.
Former HoCo teacher Alan Beier won't get a new trial, even though he was, like, totally not turned on after taking risque pictures of a teenage boy.
12 comments:
The City of Brotherly Love shows us how effectively a volunteer-driven effort can function.
I'm not holding my breath regarding the volunteers for Baltimore City school safety.
These sorts of volunteer efforts are very, very difficult to keep going, once the initial enthusiasm of attacking a crisis wears off. This is especially true in anti-crime programs, such as Citizens-on-Patrol, which the Commissioner is oft to mention.
Wow. Not criminally responsible.
Then put him down like the rabid animal he is.
Damn, Kevin Johns got away with murder. If the guy is so mentally ill that he couldn't stop himself from killing THREE people then he needs to be euthanized. I feel really bad for whoever will have to guard that guy.
There was a fire at Grand Central this morning. I guess they had too many flamers there.
Sorry, couldn't resist the temptation to make a joke...
Perhaps residents of Baltimore B should join with those of New Orleans B to petition the federal government to outlaw differential policing.
They're shooting the cabdrivers again.
“Another attack on board a city bus.”
This is a sentence fragment. I guess the whole “subject” and “predicate” thing escaped this journalistic genius who has chosen to write in the English language for a living.
“This time, a bus driver is assaulted by a group of kids.”
While glaringly obvious to those of us who actually passed the second grade, this assault “is” not occurring in the present. The correct verb tense is therefore the past tense, thus, “This time, a bus driver was assaulted by a group of kids.” What is a group? Exactly how many is “a group?”
Is it like a flock, a gaggle, a herd, a few, or a few dozen?
“It happened sunday afternoon at 39th and Greenmount in North Baltimore.”
I think we all actually learned to capitalize the days of the week in the first grade. Also, while I recognize that “39th and Greenmount” is a colloquial description of that intersection, if I were editing, I would ask, “39th what? Did you mean, ‘39th green house on the right” or “39th Street?”
“Police tell us the kids were playing around on the bus and threw some kind of liquid on the driver.”
“Kids” is such a funny term. It can mean eight year olds tossing around some water balloons while headed home from the park to watch cartoons. It can also mean twenty-one year old newly minted alcoholics hopped up on some PCP laced green tossing around some of their own Jack Daniel’s inspired vomit. Did we bother to ask what the Po-lice meant while we were speaking to the District? Oh, and while we’re at it, did we bother to ask what kind of liquid? Which Po-lice did this information come from? Was it our brave MTA Transit Police or Baltimore City’s Finest? Inquiring minds want to know. Investigative journalist you’re not.
“The driver called for help.”
Who did the driver call? Did she call her mommy? Did she plead for help from the passengers?
Did she dial 9-1-1? Did she contact her dispatcher by radio and get some indolent, hour delayed response from an apathetic supervisor? Give us the facts, Jimmy Olsen, just the facts.
“She was taken to the hospital as a precaution.”
Who is “she”? Is “she” the driver? This would be known in the more popular grammatical circles as a “misplaced pronoun.” In a different light, who is “she?” Is “she” a sixty year old matriarchal grandma or a twenty-one year old champion kickboxer who drives a bus on the side for the thrill of the danger involved? Paint us a picture, oh Picasso of the printed page. Not to sound repetitive, but did we bother to ask which hospital? Shall we ASS-U-ME that “she” was not injured? How long was she in the hospital? Was she admitted? Was she treated and released? Was she shipped to the burn center? These are the tough questions that come from a tough beat reporter.
“Police arrested all of the kids involved.”
Was it the State Police maybe? The City Sheriff? OK, we’re still pondering that one. Was it Unlawful Possession of a Water Balloon that resulted in the wagon ride? Felonious Mopery with Intent to Gawk, perhaps? Or was it something more run-of-the-mill and recognizable, like, say, assault or weapons possession or disorderly conduct? Or should we all consult our FOX News Home News Crystal Ball? Too bad my subscription has lapsed, or I would have all of these answers!
Jack
Jackson, NJ
(Former Baltimorean)
Kids shot in West Baltimore.
"These sorts of volunteer efforts are very, very difficult to keep going"
yeah tell us about it Buz!!
Mad props to your stick-to-itiveness, Chuck!
"twenty-one year old newly minted alcoholics hopped up on some PCP- laced green tossing around some of their own Jack Daniel’s-inspired vomit" deserves some kind of award.
(a Crammy?)
Haiku...
Unknown liquid was thrown
On a City bus
Kids were arrested
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