Thursday, February 19, 2009

The douchebag is I.

Park SmartDoes anyone else ever get the suspicion that the mayor wants to drive every taxpaying resident out of the city? It was bad enough to have my car broken into over and over again (even while rental-clean, the doors visibly unlocked and the factory radio already stolen). It was worse to hear that the only way to catch someone is for them to be caught in the act, and even then, the perp will serve no time. But then to be blamed for it ... after years of shrugging off the city's sociopaths, pervs, taxes, potholes ("that's Baltimore! Whatta a crazy town!") this is the first time I've felt like a prize a-hole for living here. Like a total chump. Because someone is going to break into my house, steal my stuff, and the cop is going to say, "if someone looks in your window, could they see your TV? Da, well, it's not that we want somebody to steal everything in your house, but if you leave anything downstairs when you go to bed, you're asking someone to come and steal everything that's not bolted down on the first floor. Common sense. Hey, is your dog OK?"
  "Oh my God! Tippy!"
  "Did you leave a water dish outside for your dog? Did you bring it back in, but it left a ring? Uh huh. There you go. It's not that we want somebody to sodomize your dog, but if you leave a dish outside like that, you could go to any area in the state, go to Towson, go to Frederick, it doesn't matter where, zoophiles are prowling around. We just need people to be responsible. Common sense."

A bearded brown man robbed the Pikesville Susquehanna Bank.


Caederus said...

I'm just constantly reminded why I don't go into the city if I don't have to.

ppatin said...

God, it's like an alcoholic who insists that he doesn't have a drinking problem and insists that everyone around him downs just as much booze.

Sean said...

Big fun in my neighborhood yesterday.

Unknown said...

Are they not blaming the victims? It is my car and no one has the right to take anything not matter what they see!! Sheila thinks like a criminal - maybe the gift cards should have been locked away and she would not have taken them. Here is a novel thought - catch the criminals and send them to jail instead of making excuses.

Cham said...

I see the police department's point. If my neighbors leave their GPS, their ipods and their change visible to everyone that walks by, then that is going to attract thieves. Thieves aren't going to come to a neighborhood to steal from just one car so they will look hard to find other cars that might have pawnable stuff. Leaving valuables out in the open may not be a big concern for my neighbors, but I don't want my car windows broken.

ppatin said...


Sorry to hear about your car. The feeling of being violated by criminals really, really sucks, as I learned when my house was burglarized. Catonsville looks more appealing every day.

Maurice Bradbury said...

PP, it's more like having a big fat drunk boyfriend who can be kind of cute sometimes, but then one night you're like, "maybe you don't need another pint," and he's like, "Shut up, ho! I have to drink beer and eat ice cream because you make me crazy!"

ppatin said...


Very eloquently put.

MacArthur Media Staff said...

I caught two goons in the act of breaking into my car. After chasing them down the street as the ran off with my briefcase, I got arrested. Baltimore Police arrested me for, God forbid, being armed as I chased two thieves.

And this, after I called 911 for help. So, let me tell you the truth people, even catching them in the act, they will still get away. 911 can't get there fast enough. You're gonna lose!

A.F. James MacArthur

Managing Editor
The Baltimore Spectator

MacArthur Media Staff said...

Oh, before anyone starts, the gun I had was legal. Legally carried, legally owned. Too bad some cops here don't know the difference between a bad guy with a gun, and a law abiding citizen simply trying to get his stuff back.

A.F James MacArthur

Unknown said...

the editors,

i hear you. although not as serious as your problem, i had my front license plate stolen. i called the police and they said it fell off... but the screws were sitting on the ground in front of the car. i tried to call another time to get another officer, the same officer came and gave me a ticket for parking my car without proper tags.

get out of baltimore now!!!