First of all, dear 'Non, here's some tips about what to do
- Right this minute, write down all of your credit card numbers (and customer-service phone numbers) somewhere and keep the list in your house, this will make your life much easier after, especially if you get robbed on the weekend. It's also sensible to get a passport and keep that at home so if you lose your license it'll be easier to replace (and in the meantime you'll be able to get into bars and flee the country if necessary). And don't carry checks. If your checkbook gets stolen you have to close out your account and open a new one and that is a huge, huge asspain.
- Get yourself one of those magnet keyboxes that go under the car or wheel well, and keep one housekey and one car key in it so you won't get stranded. (Sounds risky but isn't-- crackheads are smash-and-grabbers and do not have the patience to grope around your wheel wells.)
- Don't stop for anyone on the sidewalk. It's common practice for someone to distract you by asking for the time or a cigarette, then rob you. For walking around downtown, wearing headphones (with the sound turned down low) makes it easier to ignore people trying to distract you. Stay alert and confident-looking and be wary of people walkng in your blind spots. If you think someone in your proximity is acting sketchy, don't hesitate to turn around fully and look them squarely up and down and in the face.
- When you get accosted, first of all, relax, imagine you're dough. Obviously, don't resist-- people get shot that way. You want to project calm, because any panic will increase the robber's stress, and stressed-out robbers are the ones who shoot people. Don't look at the weapon. Take your wallet or purse and gently toss it away from you in the robber's general direction, turn your pockets inside out of you have any. For extra fun, carry a wad of singles in your pocket and fling them into the air like confetti so the robber will be scrambling around on the ground a la "Diving for Dollars."
- A possible execption to the "no resistance" rule: if someone holds a gun to you and tells you to get in a car (especially if you're female and get the perv vibe) it may a better bet to say, "no, shoot me here," and take the chance that they'll get flustered and look for an easier target.
- Don't fall for the bump-and-jump. If a car bumps your bumper, just keep driving and write down their license number if you can. Remember Carl Schoettler?
- At home, get some of them motion-activated lights for your front and back walks. And don't open the door to strangers. There are probably more scam artists in operation around town than robbers anyway-- people coming door-to-door to sell you nonexistent candy, solicit donations for pretend political groups, spin you some yarn about a grandma who needs money for dialysis or yap about their bozo religion. So just leave that door shut!
Any other tips, readers?