Saturday, August 18, 2012

Lo Flo

An upsetting story online from a guy named Matt Fisher, whose sister was killed in a car accident in our fair city, then had her own insurance company, Progressive, hire a lawyer to represent the guy who hit her so as not to have to pay the claim. Tsk!

A woman's head found in Anne Arundel county was ID'd as belonging to missing person Jessica Lynn Lee, her death has been classified as a homicide.

Hall of famer Eddie Murray paid $358,151 to settle insider-trading accusations.

A car and copper pipes stolen in Overlea

Friday, August 17, 2012


A woman in the NE was killed in the 4200 block of Hamilton Avenue-- she was the mother of the suspect who killed two brothers* (127 & 127) in the 600 block of Linnard on Wednesday.

The 6th circuit has okayed warrantless mobile-phone GPS tracking.

Guys you should not date

Someone awesome vandalized a speed camera near Loch Raven high school by spray-painting the lens plus some choice commentary including "THieF go to Hell" and the f-bomb (pic at left from The City That Breeds).

The Baltimorean shot in Columbia in a police standoff August 9 was ID'd as Percy Holland of Preston Street; Holland broke into his girlfriend's house on Exeter street and kidnapped their daughter, fortunately neither the ex or daughter was harmed.

In Worser Waverly, two sisters took turns spraying Mace® brand oleoresin capsicum spray in the face of one of their husband's ex-girlfriends.

A would-be carjack victim crashed into parked cars like Wendy Kroy in the Last Seduction, plus stolen Marilyn Monroe dolls, a handicapped-parking placard, and oxycodone pills in the Guide Southern blotter; assault with a machete and another batch of horribly violent ex-boyfriends in the SE blotter, including a guy who rammed his ex's car, a guy who held a sword to his ex's neck and a guy who shot up his ex's house.

Timonium doc Daniel Alexander has had his license suspended under suspicion of running a "pill mill."

A man in Salisbury broke into a home, stripped off his clothes and baked a pot pie.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

128, 129

Two men, possibly brothers, shot to death on the 600 block of Linnard St.* in the SW last night. Reports Fenton, "officers were first called to the 600 block of Linnard St. about 9 p.m. for reports of shots fired but did not find anything suspicious. Later, around midnight, officers received a call from a man who said he was inside a home where people had been shot. When police arrived, the caller was gone and officers found the victims inside."

There's a surprise-- the 4th circuit is granting a new hearing on the "Crisis Pregnancy Center" ruling, voiding the decision in June that struck down the ordinance.

Accused killer cannibal Alex Kinyua has been judged so hypermegacraycray he can't even stand trial. And check out the nutty writings on his FB page -- shiz so bananas Frank Conaway Jr. could have written it.

147 years for 50(!)-year-old Aaron Graham, who went on a robbery spree of five businesses with the help of his 49-year-old getaway driver in February last year. Fast-food peons were pistol-whipped, various clerks were in threat of their lives and $1,163.53 was absconded with, but a quick-thinking employee of a shop on West Franklin Street took a video of Graham's getaway car; so ends this sorry tale.

And 27 years for Curtis Allen Thomas, who robbed Nephew's Pizza and has eight previous armed robbery convictions.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Code Elmo

Some Sketchy McSketchmeisters poking around my alley reminded me to remind readers near the Loyola and JHU Homewood campuses in Charles Village, Evergreen and environs that freshmen-orientation season is upon us-- Xmas morning for burglars and grifters on the take. In addition to the rote numnuts advice to not leave junk on your car's seats or totter off drunken and alone down a dark alley, I'll also add:

Get an etching pen. The carbide-tipped ones are cheap and you can use it to skritch your name and phone number on stuff like computers, game systems, TVs and the like. Might not keep stuff from getting stolen, but will help you recover the items later and make them less fence-able.

Consider leaving your car unlocked.
Maniacal zombies may smash your window anyway, but if it saves you one $300 window-repair assboning, it's worth it. Plus it'll be a continual reminder to never leave anything in your car you won't miss.

Don't stop to talk to anyone, ever.
Nice, right? But someone on the street who approaches you asking for the time, directions or some sob story is most likely trying to distract you so a buddy can jack you. If you encounter some street-stranger trying to get your attention, immediately take a 180 of your surroundings. If a robbery is imminent, throw your stuff one way and take off in the opposite direction.

Don't wear flip-flops. Sporting flip-flops on the sidewalks and alleys of downtown will give you that fresh-off-the-boat appeal. The only city residents you'll see in flip-flops around town are those far enough gone to not care if they bump toe with dog turds, broken glass, used condoms, chicken bones and barf. Unless you can plausibly cultivate that kind of aura, go for a closed-toe.

And finally, don't stereotype. Sure, statistically in this burg your robber is most likely to be a 20-something black guy, but watch someone's behavior, not their outward appearance. Muggings by white perps, pairs of girls and groups of teenagers happen as well. There was an instance of a guy breaking into cars while wearing a suit and carrying his gear in a briefcase. And it's also not true that walking on the street is necessarily more dangerous for women, actually men are more likely to be victims of violence perpetrated by a stranger. In other words, while a woman is be more likely to get her purse snatched on the sidewalk, a guy is more likely to be injured during the course of a robbery.

So, any other tips, readers?

Winging it

The Ink recounts last week's seven murders

David Simon claims the homicide clearance rate is way down since Bernstein took over and the CP agrees-- 2009 homicides led to an indictment 38% of the time under Jessamy, and in 2011 under Bernstein, 30% of homicides were resolved by indictment.

Balding fraudster Kenneth Koehler faces federal fraud charges in SE mortgage-scam scheme.

Oh, crackheads/hairron zombies, must you rob the children? Somebody stole laptops from the Community School in Remington, please contact the school if you have any spare laptops you could donate so some poor hapless teenagers can get their GEDs.

Van Smith writes about Baltimore's high-flying "potrepreneurs" and their "pricey reckoning," which included the loss of a plane, 46 local properties used for various potly functions, and, of course, lots of cash and doobage.

Two years after the Justice Dept. agreed to oversee the city jail, and not long after the Sun's teens-wallowing-in-poop story, * federal officials are on the scene.

Bizarro: The Mayor's taking a family vacation in California, and taxpayers will be shelling out $2,000 so she can have a security team with her on vacation. Says BPD's spokesflak, "She's very visible in the national media." That's weird, b/c the only national story I see mentioning her in the past month is this thing about the BFD's terlit paper ("A bathroom-related prank against Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake is causing a hot rash on the city's political buttcheeks"). So why the vacation security? Rabid stalker? Smokin hot security swain? Ploy to avoid having to be alone with the family? Hrrrmmm...

Pooches screwed

Oh, for poop's sake. T. Mike Miller says the senate is at an impasse on the pit bull bill.* Scratch that, the Daily Record's Alex Pyles Tweeted "Senate will not bring up pit bull bill. It's dead." ...You'd think after serving up all that pork to the casino operators they'd feel obliged to chuck citizens a bone. Oh, and the Senate just approved the tax breaks for the casino operators and a bunch of other treats for them 32-14. And with that the 'special' 'emergency' session is over.

A vigil in Mt Vernon commemorated the murder of Alex Ulrich (a gay man, claims the Washington Blade) and shooting of his friend Larry Peterson attracted hundreds.* The community association VP compared the shooting to a "lightning strike." Fenton notes there have been more than 30 robberies in Mt. Vernon/Midtown so far this year.

Speaking of the Blade, the paper has published the name of every person who signed the anti-gay-marriage petition. It's been up for a while and never would have known had Fox News not used it to poke their base, but thanks for the tip, Jeff Barnd! Remember, folks, petitions are public record, and for good reason -- if you see your neighbor's name on there, ask them if it's legit.

Comment of the day year from Anonymous on "Pastor Convicted." Word, Tue Aug 14, 01:55:00 PM EDT.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Austerity for YOU

You may have gotten a new income tax increase, but the casino operators got their tax breaks last night. The bill passed the House 72-57 (or was it 71-58?) but still needs to get signed off on by the Senate.

Trespassing, murder, Marlo, mastitis

Local celebuttorney Billy Murphy (above in the ponytail) is filing a lawsuit alleging the police department outsourced policing to a private security firm, Tenable Protective Services, and went as far as to allow the firm to arrest residents (shouldn't the security guards also be charged for impersonating officers? Sheeit.)

A federal jury has convicted one Frank Marfo for counts related to a $1 million scheme to steal money orders out of rent deposit boxes, and his part in paying $2,000 to have co-conspirator-cum witness Isaiah Cortez Callaway murdered.

Police have released photos of the victims in the Mt. Vernon shootings in hopes of sourcing more information about the motives or perps. I guess there were no crime cameras around? (Caution, the WBAL link also activates a VERY LOUD ad.)

In the Sun, an opinion piece re. the City Circuit Court's unfriendliness to breastfeeding that will have you clutching your hooters in sympathy.

Rough night in the county, with a guy shot in Dundalk and two guys stabbed in Essex.

In the Southern, two arrested for road-raging then exchanging punches at the McDonald's drive-thru, a man stabbed by a line-cutter, a stolen "Shitzu" (like a shih tzu, only shittier). And in the SE, "A man told police that he agreed to give his ex-girlfriend $15 to perform a sex act. He said that during the act the two men she brought with her attacked him."

What the?! Former owner of the Senator, Tom Kiefaber, was arrested and charged with trespassing, harassment and littering after allegedly berating and threatening workers renovating the theater. Says Friends of the Senator Theater's Laura Perkins,
"He has been arrested under a trespassing charge for being on City public property (the sidewalk) outside of The Senator Theatre. 6 police cars were sent to arrest him. He never crossed the property line of the theatre and never went inside. There was no confrontation. He says the latest they can hold him is until tomorrow around this time. This is just plain harassment by political cronies who have broken all kinds of laws, using the City police force as their personal security force."
Kiefaber claims that all he did was illegally use the Dumpster. Oh the dramz!

Out in RowLAND Park, where sheds and garages are always on the thievery menu, an alert from the listserv:
Three incidents involving African-American teens confronting neighbors and stealing bikes in broad daylight in the last three days in the first blocks of St. Mary's and Church lanes (between Roland and Woodlawn and Woodlawn and Hawthorn). Please don't leave bikes or anything else of value unsecured and in sight, and please call 911 immediately if you see anything suspicious. One neighbor was threatened with a stick. Police are aware of all incidents and took three teens away in handcuffs Sunday. If you had two bikes stolen yesterday, please call the Northern District at (410) 396-2455.

So. Bitchin! Remember in the Wire when Marlo gives Maurice Levy the number for his personal 'burner'? Call the number (410-915-0909), get treated to Jamie Hector delivering some of Marlo's greatest lines.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Hot cop peddles revenge plot

The Urbanite notes a new Baltimore-cop novel, Eliot,a purportedly fictional revenge fantasy set in the Eastern district, written by Sergeant Michael A. Wood Jr. (l) and published via Amazon's self-publishing arm. Based on the three-page sample it looks a little testosterone-soaked and under-edited for my taste (unless there's a ton of sex in it, of course, but that seems unlikely). But perhaps you would enjoy a little of the old ultra-violence, dear reader:
"With my left knee pinning his nuts to the concrete, right knee pinning his left arm down, left hand holding his head up, and right hand crushing his esophagus, I look into his eyes, “Are you the one who took from me?” Emptiness. “Are you the one who did it?” Emptiness. I can see in his eyes that this fucker has no idea what I am talking about."

Lips together, teeth apart

Phylicia Barnes' accused killer Michael Johnson goes on trial today. (Expect today to be the first of many postponements)

But they're job creators! Luke Broadwater found $10 million of the city's unpaid water bills are owed by big business and major (non-tax-paying) nonprofits.

Chik-Fil-A H8trs vandalized a Fredneck location with glue, stickers and a rainbow flag.

UK's Daily Fail eulogizes De'Andre "Dukie" McCullough.

Speaking of fascist media, I'm always surprised at the appeal this blog and Baltimore crime issues apparently has to racist right-wing fascist types, eg this guy who constantly emails me with lead-ins like "the liberals are gonna HATE this!!" (yes, it's horrible to promote him in any way, but you should know what's out there, dear reader) (and why is "gay" in "quote marks?").

Speaking of big bidniz, how is it possible that our elected leaders could permit the prospective buyers of Sparrow's Point can remain un-public knowledge? (If you've ever wondered why Baltimore's demography is as it is, Sparrow's Point is why) Props to the Sun, who tracked down the bidder as one Thomas E. Roberts, a property developer in St. Louis, and to the Brew for staying on the original story like a dog-tick in August. Says commentor "An RG Creditor":
I just want to say that as an unsecured creditor, I have not received any information about this bankruptcy other than what I read on here. I have an attorney who I can't even afford since this has taken place. I still get no answers. There are so many small businesses that worked in the point and will now have to close. We will never get paid and lose our homes and everything we worked for because we can't pay our business loans and we don't have any work. We are not all rich because we have a little business. There are 1,000 to 5,000 creditors listed. I think it is just a way to push the debt away and quiet things down until after the election.... I have no say at all and I have an attorney!!!

So got my car broken into this morning in the 4600-block of Keswick. All that was taken was a tube of (used) Chanel lipstick. Ghosting party girls? Tranny crackheads? A gift for Mrs. Crackhead? The possibilities are fascinating! ... a neighbor says she also got her car broken into and they took only her chapstick. Maybe the crack pipe was giving them dry lips?