Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Code Elmo

Some Sketchy McSketchmeisters poking around my alley reminded me to remind readers near the Loyola and JHU Homewood campuses in Charles Village, Evergreen and environs that freshmen-orientation season is upon us-- Xmas morning for burglars and grifters on the take. In addition to the rote numnuts advice to not leave junk on your car's seats or totter off drunken and alone down a dark alley, I'll also add:

Get an etching pen. The carbide-tipped ones are cheap and you can use it to skritch your name and phone number on stuff like computers, game systems, TVs and the like. Might not keep stuff from getting stolen, but will help you recover the items later and make them less fence-able.

Consider leaving your car unlocked.
Maniacal zombies may smash your window anyway, but if it saves you one $300 window-repair assboning, it's worth it. Plus it'll be a continual reminder to never leave anything in your car you won't miss.

Don't stop to talk to anyone, ever.
Nice, right? But someone on the street who approaches you asking for the time, directions or some sob story is most likely trying to distract you so a buddy can jack you. If you encounter some street-stranger trying to get your attention, immediately take a 180 of your surroundings. If a robbery is imminent, throw your stuff one way and take off in the opposite direction.

Don't wear flip-flops. Sporting flip-flops on the sidewalks and alleys of downtown will give you that fresh-off-the-boat appeal. The only city residents you'll see in flip-flops around town are those far enough gone to not care if they bump toe with dog turds, broken glass, used condoms, chicken bones and barf. Unless you can plausibly cultivate that kind of aura, go for a closed-toe.

And finally, don't stereotype. Sure, statistically in this burg your robber is most likely to be a 20-something black guy, but watch someone's behavior, not their outward appearance. Muggings by white perps, pairs of girls and groups of teenagers happen as well. There was an instance of a guy breaking into cars while wearing a suit and carrying his gear in a briefcase. And it's also not true that walking on the street is necessarily more dangerous for women, actually men are more likely to be victims of violence perpetrated by a stranger. In other words, while a woman is be more likely to get her purse snatched on the sidewalk, a guy is more likely to be injured during the course of a robbery.

So, any other tips, readers?

11 comments:

jb said...

dont carry a lot of cash/all your credit cards on you at the same time ever

Cham said...

I enjoy walking and I walk all over Baltimore at all times of day or night. I've never had a problem. Here are my tips:

1) Say hello to everybody, or wave or nod your head. Never look away or look down, if you aren't being alert at least look like you are alert. This shows everybody that you see them before they see you, you aren't a threat and you will be able to ID them in a line up. And you will make a lot of new friends along the way which is a side benefit.

2) Only carry what you can afford to lose. I take $10-$15 for lunch and my burner in case my mother calls.

3) Don't carry a purse or a bag. Carry a backpack that has both a waist strap and sternum strap, and keep both buckled. Cash and phone are kept at the bottom of the main compartment. Make it so that there is nothing to grab unless they grab all of you too. And in the event of a robbery it's going to take more than a few seconds to take that pack. I have had a guy with a gun chase me, and I ran faster than he did with a full pack on my back. (He fell and I still feel bad about it)

4) Don't walk down the street talking on your expensive cell phone. That's obvious, yet the kids at JHU haven't gotten the memo.

5) If somebody is walking behind you turn around and say hello. They'll apologize for startling you. Again, you'll make a new friend.

6) No money or conversation to panhandlers or sob storiers. Be nice but tell them you don't have any money.

7) Never drive or own a new car. Leave clean garbage on the front seat passenger side. For some reason trash is a big theft deterrent, I don't know why. I've only recently discovered one of my car door locks is malfunctioning, my car has been unlocked for 1.5 years. If it's been tossed I wouldn't know, they probably just rearranged the mess. Although now that I've thought about it I am missing a chapstick that I kept in the cup holder. Chapstick is given away for free at most festivals by Carefirst.

8) Car gets parked in front of an occupied house or directly under a very bright street lamp.

9) Don't ever carry a gun. Everybody including the cops can tell when somebody is carrying a gun from several feet away, including me. Those surveillance cameras are why the city has taken 1100 guns off the street, they're watching. You'll be robbed by somebody with another gun so they can obtain your gun, or the cops will be asking to see your carry permit and you better have it on you.

My takeaway after living here for 30 years and walking all over East and West Baltimore is that it costs nothing to be nice. IMHO, being afraid or looking like you don't trust somebody is what gets people into trouble.

ppatin said...

"IMHO, being afraid or looking like you don't trust somebody is what gets people into trouble."

Uh no, being spotted by the thug who's on the lookout for a victim is what gets people into trouble. Do you honestly believe that Zach Sowers would be alive if he'd waved and said hello to Trayvon Ramos?

Anonymous said...

I'm pissed Baltimore has outlawed all taser/stunguns due to a cop tasering a black youth committing a crime an being sued. Tasers I can deal with, stun guns??? WTF Baltimore???? You want people using guns???? First of all you don't "shoot" a stun gun as other articles mention the officer did. It was a "taser" gun. Much more powerful and causes death than a "stun gun". Now you idiots yelling foul have taken away the right to carry one for self protection in baltimore city for citizens as made illegal for stun guns, yeah, cause carrying a handgun is so much less dangerous! Idiots-

Maurice Bradbury said...

Dunno, but Sowers would probably be alive if he was a girl. I don't like to make eye contact because that can be construed as an invitation for further contact-- I vote go with alert and confident, but not focusing on any particular person, only go with eye contact and the look-over if someone is approaching. But yeah if someone has already selected you as a target, a "hi" will not make a difference.

Unknown said...

Apply for a concealed carry permit come October and get trained. In the meanwhile.. a nice assisted opening folding pocketknife or mace will do. Because when you're getting mugged/stomped, the police will only be minutes away to pickup your lifeless body.

Maurice Bradbury said...

Meh. Before you get mugged or stomped, your mugger or stomper will have targeted you and endeavored to catch you unawares. So unless your gun/mace/knife is cocked and loaded and in your hand at that exact moment, it is much more likely to be stolen and/or used against you.

Maurice Bradbury said...

and thanks for the reminder jb, because I do that all the time and it's completely stupid. And agree about the backpack.

Anonymous said...

move. but if you must stay, leave your empty glove box and console open so the thieves can see there is nothing in there. don't cover things up in the back seat or use the retractable cargo cover in your SUV -- now they KNOW there's goodies in there. but seriously -- move. the place is a useless welfare distribution center hell-hole.

Cham said...

I like Baltimore, I find the place reasonably safe. If I want experience unsafe I visit neighborhoods in South and Central America. There you wear your backpack in front of your body, and it help to put it in a wire cage.

Maurice Bradbury said...

non, I prefer "colorful urban environment." It's all about risks vs. benefits-- I suppose it's riskier here than in the County, crime-wise, but on the other hand if I lived in the county I could never walk anywhere and would probably die of a fat ass. And it's not like living elsewhere is any kind of guarantee of safety-- think of the Clutters.