Sunday, December 11, 2005

December 11

A 13-year-old girl has been cleared of all charges for the beating death of a four-year-old boy.

Reginald Graves, 42, of Glen Burnie is accused of assaulting his "girlfriend" Syretha Johnson, 24, with a lug wrench, then setting a car on fire with her inside.

Are city police falsifying crime statistics?

An alert citizen stopped a robbery at the Rent-A-Center.

A Baltimore County public school employee, David Lukes, 34, faces trial in PA for six counts related to using the Internet to solicit sex from someone whom he thought was a 13-year-old girl.

In Westminster, police are seeking one Shawn Anthony Jones, 27, for the murder of Donnie Bowman.

Someone left their gun at Towson Town Center.

Maryland schools have seized 63 percent more weapons from students since five years ago.

Finally, an answer to every city resident's question, What're all those damn police helicopters up to? Says the commander of the Aviation unit, "We look for guys with shopping carts in alleys."

A Timonium church has redecorated a room at the Mitchell courthouse to be comfortable for children who are crime victims or witnesses.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept.: the head of the task force for the new Baltimore slogan is a Princeton-educated scholar of Byzantine art, and the San Francisco agency working on the project has successfully convinced lots of people that BP is a group of enviromental activists and that it's hip to suck on revolting little mints. Punch line of the story: "officials worry the promotion may become a punch line."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The crime news DOES read like a standup routine from the Improv. The joke, however, is on us suckers who continue to live with this nonsense. And in the best tradition of the Gong Show, I'm ready for the next Commissioner of Police to stumble onstage.

Maurice Bradbury said...

I'll bring the comically oversized hook.