Flying pigs, drunken skunks, grounded rats

Could've sworn a few years ago the police dept. was so broke they were thinking of getting rid of the helicopters. But now they've got four spankin' new ghettobirds-- actually they're ghetto oiseaux , assembled in Marignane, France with various parts made in China, Singapore and Australia.

Alleged pimp Daniel O'Brien Burton, left, was arrested in SC. "Police say they searched Burton and his car and found a total of $14,888.04, both on his person and hidden in a purple Hennessy box in his trunk."

Wouldn't ordinarily care about a boat crash in Anne Arundel county, but this particular boat was the Legislator, crashed by hardcore homohater Del. Don Dwyer, who was drunk as a mutharfrackin skunk with a .20 -- more than twice the legal limit. The crash injured six, including four children, one who suffered a fractured skull. Dwyer is perhaps best known for trying to impeach Doug Gansler when he said he'd recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere and chestnuts like "if a law's not in concert with the laws of nature and of nature of God, and I would hold that, therefore, it is no law at all."

Speaking of old chestnuts, sounds like home invaders are using that "BGE worker" ruse again. Needless to say, get a peephole, use it, and don't open the door for anyone you aren't expecting.

Mitchell Courthouse employees protested unsanitary conditions today, which included "a dead rodent that was trapped between a window and Plexiglas in the office area ... their complaints to remove the rat were ignored until protestors took action ... someone finally removed it and put it in an employee's nearby trash can."

Diminished facilities

Two more murders, both of sexagenarians*: Fenton reports Sterling Parker, 61, and his wife agreed to babysit two small children; the kids' parents never returned and after a few weeks the Parkers called CPS. Parker was assaulted in the 1900 block of Walbook Ave on the 4th and died on the 20th. And 65-year-old Charles Canty was found suspiciously dead in his home in the 1700 block of N. Carey St.

Fifty years for double-murderer Isaac Truss, who also serves as illustration of why putting a defendant on the stand is usually not a good idea.*

The copious number of unarmed, mentally-ill people shot by police this year calls into question the quality of BPD training when it comes to dealing with the mentally ill*. Not to mention our country's abysmal lack of services for the tetched, but that's another story.

Speaking of those a few sandwiches short of a picnic, former Senator owner Tom Kiefaber says he got himself arrested so the media would pay attention to him*. Hey, it worked!

WBAL reports Lt. Chris Jones of the sex offense unit was suspended for "vague" reasons. Hrm.

PA accused killer John Gonce was arrested in the county after raping two girls, 12 and 14, and killing their pet cat.

One Sharon Caslow of Cockeysville has been indicted for manslaughter after leaving her elderly mother on the toilet for days

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Police Tweet that a man was shot to death in the 1700 block of North Carey Street.

Ten years for one Chauncey Harris for possessing a firearm, and here's an odd excerpt from the press release: "Baltimore City Police officers responded to a residence on Edgewood Street in Baltimore for a report of a rape, where they found Harris and a female. The report of rape was subsequently determined to be unfounded." I mean, if it was rape-y enough for her to call ... must have been one of those non-"legitimate rapes" we've heard so much about this week...

Kenyan Anastacia Olouch is supposedly coming back to Baltimore to face charges five years after being accused of elder abuse for beating on a 90-year-old man and fleeing the country.

Road Trippin

The BPD Tweeted: "Detectives make arrest in Bloom street triple shooting from Sunday which injured 9 year old boy. Donte White DOB 4/11/1989." They're also ISO a suspect in the car crash that killed Officer Morris in the PGC and have posted a picture (of a picture)

The Ink has last weeks' four murders

Vernon Evans: case closed, life spared (for now)

Bwhaha: the CP attempts to imagine the routes Rikki Spector must take to travel 53 miles to two events in her district. (Srsly, has no one mentioned this to the IRS? Do I need to call their cheater hotline myself?)

From last month but missed it: "Ex-marine brings his skills to the west Baltimore drug trade"

Knowledge is Virtue, Y'all

# 131: man was shot to death* in the 3200 block of Walbrook Ave yesterday. And Tyrell "Buck" Martin was arrested for the murders of brothers Troy and Euclides Manly,* killed August 15. (Yes, Euclides.)

MD has dropped charges against a protestor who was pepper-sprayed in the face by Baltimore Police while handcuffed.

A man in Wilson Park was stabbed during a robbery

Charles Villager robbed of iPhone

Five years for a HoCo principal convicted of stealing credit cards from teachers.

In Anne Arundel County, a 38-year-old woman was held at gunpoint by her 19-year-old neck-tattoo'd ex-boyfriend Timothy Gray. Apparently all ended well after Gray was given a proper Tasering.

PNC bank inside the York Rd. Giant was robbed

The BBC (via the Brew): "Baltimore invites immigrants - no questions asked"

Oo, oo! Ballot questions!! Should the city borrow more money for museums and community colleges? Should convicted felons be removed from office? Should undocumented residents get in-state tuition? And do we care about the bar status of orphan's court judges?

Trikki Rikki

Oh, Rikki Spector. Not only does the septuagenarian councilwoman not live in her district (according to herself), she's also allegedly billing the city for the commute from her Harborview condo to her district and simultaneously deducting her mileage, and also claiming her house in her district as her primary residence for a Homestead Tax Credit. You may remember Rikki from such flapdoodles as the Case of the Missing Traffic Ticket and The Mold Horror.

Aquille You, Byotch!

Four injured in two shooting incidents over the weekend, Fenton reports that one of the victims was a nine-year-old boy* who was shot in the stomach and is in critical condition.

A man was shot to death by police after allegedly attacking them,* Fenton ID'd those involved in weekend police as Officer John Kosko, Officer Robert Persico, and 63 y/o Rudolph Bell.

Eighteen-year-old Kelvin Glasgow shot to death in the parking lot of the Catonsville Ramada after a 'fracas'

A traffic stop nabs phony-check-passer Keith McNeil

Remember "writer turned warrior" Matthew VanDyke, who went to Libya as a journalist, decided to become a gun-toting insurgent? Well, he's off to kill some more people for freedom, this time in Syria, and this time to make a film, he says.

Basketball phenom Aquille Carr was arrested for beating on his babymom; inquiring minds wonder if Seton Hall will revoke his scholarship (yeh, right!)

Three guys were arrested for stealing diesel fuel using Panera gift cards. How that might work I haven't a clue. Hey, thanks, Prashant Mali! I wish all news was delivered in a lilting accent.

Another floater

A suspicious corpse in Dundalk

Lo Flo

An upsetting story online from a guy named Matt Fisher, whose sister was killed in a car accident in our fair city, then had her own insurance company, Progressive, hire a lawyer to represent the guy who hit her so as not to have to pay the claim. Tsk!

A woman's head found in Anne Arundel county was ID'd as belonging to missing person Jessica Lynn Lee, her death has been classified as a homicide.

Hall of famer Eddie Murray paid $358,151 to settle insider-trading accusations.

A car and copper pipes stolen in Overlea

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A woman in the NE was killed in the 4200 block of Hamilton Avenue-- she was the mother of the suspect who killed two brothers* (127 & 127) in the 600 block of Linnard on Wednesday.

The 6th circuit has okayed warrantless mobile-phone GPS tracking.

Guys you should not date

Someone awesome vandalized a speed camera near Loch Raven high school by spray-painting the lens plus some choice commentary including "THieF go to Hell" and the f-bomb (pic at left from The City That Breeds).

The Baltimorean shot in Columbia in a police standoff August 9 was ID'd as Percy Holland of Preston Street; Holland broke into his girlfriend's house on Exeter street and kidnapped their daughter, fortunately neither the ex or daughter was harmed.

In Worser Waverly, two sisters took turns spraying Mace® brand oleoresin capsicum spray in the face of one of their husband's ex-girlfriends.

A would-be carjack victim crashed into parked cars like Wendy Kroy in the Last Seduction, plus stolen Marilyn Monroe dolls, a handicapped-parking placard, and oxycodone pills in the Guide Southern blotter; assault with a machete and another batch of horribly violent ex-boyfriends in the SE blotter, including a guy who rammed his ex's car, a guy who held a sword to his ex's neck and a guy who shot up his ex's house.

Timonium doc Daniel Alexander has had his license suspended under suspicion of running a "pill mill."

A man in Salisbury broke into a home, stripped off his clothes and baked a pot pie.

128, 129

Two men, possibly brothers, shot to death on the 600 block of Linnard St.* in the SW last night. Reports Fenton, "officers were first called to the 600 block of Linnard St. about 9 p.m. for reports of shots fired but did not find anything suspicious. Later, around midnight, officers received a call from a man who said he was inside a home where people had been shot. When police arrived, the caller was gone and officers found the victims inside."

There's a surprise-- the 4th circuit is granting a new hearing on the "Crisis Pregnancy Center" ruling, voiding the decision in June that struck down the ordinance.

Accused killer cannibal Alex Kinyua has been judged so hypermegacraycray he can't even stand trial. And check out the nutty writings on his FB page -- shiz so bananas Frank Conaway Jr. could have written it.

147 years for 50(!)-year-old Aaron Graham, who went on a robbery spree of five businesses with the help of his 49-year-old getaway driver in February last year. Fast-food peons were pistol-whipped, various clerks were in threat of their lives and $1,163.53 was absconded with, but a quick-thinking employee of a shop on West Franklin Street took a video of Graham's getaway car; so ends this sorry tale.

And 27 years for Curtis Allen Thomas, who robbed Nephew's Pizza and has eight previous armed robbery convictions.

Code Elmo

Some Sketchy McSketchmeisters poking around my alley reminded me to remind readers near the Loyola and JHU Homewood campuses in Charles Village, Evergreen and environs that freshmen-orientation season is upon us-- Xmas morning for burglars and grifters on the take. In addition to the rote numnuts advice to not leave junk on your car's seats or totter off drunken and alone down a dark alley, I'll also add:

Get an etching pen. The carbide-tipped ones are cheap and you can use it to skritch your name and phone number on stuff like computers, game systems, TVs and the like. Might not keep stuff from getting stolen, but will help you recover the items later and make them less fence-able.

Consider leaving your car unlocked. Maniacal zombies may smash your window anyway, but if it saves you one $300 window-repair assboning, it's worth it. Plus it'll be a continual reminder to never leave anything in your car you won't miss.

Don't stop to talk to anyone, ever. Nice, right? But someone on the street who approaches you asking for the time, directions or some sob story is most likely trying to distract you so a buddy can jack you. If you encounter some street-stranger trying to get your attention, immediately take a 180 of your surroundings. If a robbery is imminent, throw your stuff one way and take off in the opposite direction.

Don't wear flip-flops. Sporting flip-flops on the sidewalks and alleys of downtown will give you that fresh-off-the-boat appeal. The only city residents you'll see in flip-flops around town are those far enough gone to not care if they bump toe with dog turds, broken glass, used condoms, chicken bones and barf. Unless you can plausibly cultivate that kind of aura, go for a closed-toe.

And finally, don't stereotype. Sure, statistically in this burg your robber is most likely to be a 20-something black guy, but watch someone's behavior, not their outward appearance. Muggings by white perps, pairs of girls and groups of teenagers happen as well. There was an instance of a guy breaking into cars while wearing a suit and carrying his gear in a briefcase. And it's also not true that walking on the street is necessarily more dangerous for women, actually men are more likely to be victims of violence perpetrated by a stranger. In other words, while a woman is be more likely to get her purse snatched on the sidewalk, a guy is more likely to be injured during the course of a robbery.

So, any other tips, readers?

Winging it

The Ink recounts last week's seven murders

David Simon claims the homicide clearance rate is way down since Bernstein took over and the CP agrees-- 2009 homicides led to an indictment 38% of the time under Jessamy, and in 2011 under Bernstein, 30% of homicides were resolved by indictment.

Balding fraudster Kenneth Koehler faces federal fraud charges in SE mortgage-scam scheme.

Oh, crackheads/hairron zombies, must you rob the children? Somebody stole laptops from the Community School in Remington, please contact the school if you have any spare laptops you could donate so some poor hapless teenagers can get their GEDs.

Van Smith writes about Baltimore's high-flying "potrepreneurs" and their "pricey reckoning," which included the loss of a plane, 46 local properties used for various potly functions, and, of course, lots of cash and doobage.

Two years after the Justice Dept. agreed to oversee the city jail, and not long after the Sun's teens-wallowing-in-poop story, * federal officials are on the scene.

Bizarro: The Mayor's taking a family vacation in California, and taxpayers will be shelling out $2,000 so she can have a security team with her on vacation. Says BPD's spokesflak, "She's very visible in the national media." That's weird, b/c the only national story I see mentioning her in the past month is this thing about the BFD's terlit paper ("A bathroom-related prank against Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake is causing a hot rash on the city's political buttcheeks"). So why the vacation security? Rabid stalker? Smokin hot security swain? Ploy to avoid having to be alone with the family? Hrrrmmm...

Pooches screwed

Oh, for poop's sake. T. Mike Miller says the senate is at an impasse on the pit bull bill.* Scratch that, the Daily Record's Alex Pyles Tweeted "Senate will not bring up pit bull bill. It's dead." ...You'd think after serving up all that pork to the casino operators they'd feel obliged to chuck citizens a bone. Oh, and the Senate just approved the tax breaks for the casino operators and a bunch of other treats for them 32-14. And with that the 'special' 'emergency' session is over.

A vigil in Mt Vernon commemorated the murder of Alex Ulrich (a gay man, claims the Washington Blade) and shooting of his friend Larry Peterson attracted hundreds.* The community association VP compared the shooting to a "lightning strike." Fenton notes there have been more than 30 robberies in Mt. Vernon/Midtown so far this year.

Speaking of the Blade, the paper has published the name of every person who signed the anti-gay-marriage petition. It's been up for a while and never would have known had Fox News not used it to poke their base, but thanks for the tip, Jeff Barnd! Remember, folks, petitions are public record, and for good reason -- if you see your neighbor's name on there, ask them if it's legit.

Comment of the day year from Anonymous on "Pastor Convicted." Word, Tue Aug 14, 01:55:00 PM EDT.

Austerity for YOU

You may have gotten a new income tax increase, but the casino operators got their tax breaks last night. The bill passed the House 72-57 (or was it 71-58?) but still needs to get signed off on by the Senate.

Trespassing, murder, Marlo, mastitis

Local celebuttorney Billy Murphy (above in the ponytail) is filing a lawsuit alleging the police department outsourced policing to a private security firm, Tenable Protective Services, and went as far as to allow the firm to arrest residents (shouldn't the security guards also be charged for impersonating officers? Sheeit.)

A federal jury has convicted one Frank Marfo for counts related to a $1 million scheme to steal money orders out of rent deposit boxes, and his part in paying $2,000 to have co-conspirator-cum witness Isaiah Cortez Callaway murdered.

Police have released photos of the victims in the Mt. Vernon shootings in hopes of sourcing more information about the motives or perps. I guess there were no crime cameras around? (Caution, the WBAL link also activates a VERY LOUD ad.)

In the Sun, an opinion piece re. the City Circuit Court's unfriendliness to breastfeeding that will have you clutching your hooters in sympathy.

Rough night in the county, with a guy shot in Dundalk and two guys stabbed in Essex.

In the Southern, two arrested for road-raging then exchanging punches at the McDonald's drive-thru, a man stabbed by a line-cutter, a stolen "Shitzu" (like a shih tzu, only shittier). And in the SE, "A man told police that he agreed to give his ex-girlfriend $15 to perform a sex act. He said that during the act the two men she brought with her attacked him."

What the?! Former owner of the Senator, Tom Kiefaber, was arrested and charged with trespassing, harassment and littering after allegedly berating and threatening workers renovating the theater. Says Friends of the Senator Theater's Laura Perkins,

"He has been arrested under a trespassing charge for being on City public property (the sidewalk) outside of The Senator Theatre. 6 police cars were sent to arrest him. He never crossed the property line of the theatre and never went inside. There was no confrontation. He says the latest they can hold him is until tomorrow around this time. This is just plain harassment by political cronies who have broken all kinds of laws, using the City police force as their personal security force."

Kiefaber claims that all he did was illegally use the Dumpster. Oh the dramz!

Out in RowLAND Park, where sheds and garages are always on the thievery menu, an alert from the listserv:

Three incidents involving African-American teens confronting neighbors and stealing bikes in broad daylight in the last three days in the first blocks of St. Mary's and Church lanes (between Roland and Woodlawn and Woodlawn and Hawthorn). Please don't leave bikes or anything else of value unsecured and in sight, and please call 911 immediately if you see anything suspicious. One neighbor was threatened with a stick. Police are aware of all incidents and took three teens away in handcuffs Sunday. If you had two bikes stolen yesterday, please call the Northern District at (410) 396-2455.

So. Bitchin! Remember in the Wire when Marlo gives Maurice Levy the number for his personal 'burner'? Call the number (410-915-0909), get treated to Jamie Hector delivering some of Marlo's greatest lines.

Hot cop peddles revenge plot

The Urbanite notes a new Baltimore-cop novel, Eliot,a purportedly fictional revenge fantasy set in the Eastern district, written by Sergeant Michael A. Wood Jr. (l) and published via Amazon's self-publishing arm. Based on the three-page sample it looks a little testosterone-soaked and under-edited for my taste (unless there's a ton of sex in it, of course, but that seems unlikely). But perhaps you would enjoy a little of the old ultra-violence, dear reader:

"With my left knee pinning his nuts to the concrete, right knee pinning his left arm down, left hand holding his head up, and right hand crushing his esophagus, I look into his eyes, “Are you the one who took from me?” Emptiness. “Are you the one who did it?” Emptiness. I can see in his eyes that this fucker has no idea what I am talking about."

Lips together, teeth apart

Phylicia Barnes' accused killer Michael Johnson goes on trial today. (Expect today to be the first of many postponements)

But they're job creators! Luke Broadwater found $10 million of the city's unpaid water bills are owed by big business and major (non-tax-paying) nonprofits.

Chik-Fil-A H8trs vandalized a Fredneck location with glue, stickers and a rainbow flag.

UK's Daily Fail eulogizes De'Andre "Dukie" McCullough.

Speaking of fascist media, I'm always surprised at the appeal this blog and Baltimore crime issues apparently has to racist right-wing fascist types, eg this guy who constantly emails me with lead-ins like "the liberals are gonna HATE this!!" (yes, it's horrible to promote him in any way, but you should know what's out there, dear reader) (and why is "gay" in "quote marks?").

Speaking of big bidniz, how is it possible that our elected leaders could permit the prospective buyers of Sparrow's Point can remain un-public knowledge? (If you've ever wondered why Baltimore's demography is as it is, Sparrow's Point is why) Props to the Sun, who tracked down the bidder as one Thomas E. Roberts, a property developer in St. Louis, and to the Brew for staying on the original story like a dog-tick in August. Says commentor "An RG Creditor":

I just want to say that as an unsecured creditor, I have not received any information about this bankruptcy other than what I read on here. I have an attorney who I can't even afford since this has taken place. I still get no answers. There are so many small businesses that worked in the point and will now have to close. We will never get paid and lose our homes and everything we worked for because we can't pay our business loans and we don't have any work. We are not all rich because we have a little business. There are 1,000 to 5,000 creditors listed. I think it is just a way to push the debt away and quiet things down until after the election.... I have no say at all and I have an attorney!!!

So got my car broken into this morning in the 4600-block of Keswick. All that was taken was a tube of (used) Chanel lipstick. Ghosting party girls? Tranny crackheads? A gift for Mrs. Crackhead? The possibilities are fascinating! ... a neighbor says she also got her car broken into and they took only her chapstick. Maybe the crack pipe was giving them dry lips?

127

Tweets Fenton, "Chase St homicide victim identified as Joseph Alexander Ulrich, known as Alex. From Smithsburg, was living in 900 block of N Calvert St." Ulrich was 41*. The owner of the Empire House Inn, Lawrence Peterson, was also shot in the chest in the incident.

A 68-year-old woman on Hickory Ave in Hampden was injured by a shard of metal after someone shot into her house at 3 in the afternoon.

Think of the invisible children!

Damn, domestic assailants! A Baltimorean who held a gun to his babymom's head and kidnapped their child was shot to death in Columbia.

Fifteen federal years for a cocaine dealer who helped bring product to MD from CA in a shipment of strawberries.

A teacher who taught at Towson's Carver Center for Arts and Technology was indicted for assault; he allegedly pointed a gun at workers removing trees near his Carney home.

Think of the (invisible) children! Five new speed cameras are up and running in the county, supposedly to protect schoolchildren. Never mind that the one "near" Stoneleigh school is actually five blocks away, or that the school is currently closed for renovations. According to the Patch, the county got an even worse deal than the city's 48%-of-revenue kickback, in 2010 paying the camera co. 81 cents of every dollar collected in camera revenue. Fun bonus fact: in D.C. in 2008 ACS, now a subsidiary of Xerox and operator of city and county cameras, was accused of vandalizing speed cameras by cutting wires after losing the contract to a competitor.

The MD political process has hit a new low with the "Special Session"-- an *emergency* meeting of the legislature in the middle of summer. And what's the emergency, you out-of-state readers might wonder? The state's poor preparedness for a natural disaster, terrorist attack or outbreak of infectious disease? The closing of fire stations or post offices? Schools that are falling apart? Ho, ho, ho. No, dear reader, the gambling industry is apparently having a money emergency and needs some tax breaks this minute*. One sliver of good's come out of it though, a senate panel has advanced nixing that goofy pit-bull law in favor of a bill that makes dog owners responsible for their own pets.

Thought-provoking Google ad of the day (from this page*): "Do you need to be on House Arrest? Inexpensive & No Ankle Bracelets www.shadowtrack.com" Can I take this ad to imply that if you're on house arrest you have to buy your own ankle bracelet? Notes the ad, "ShadowTrack has been helping individuals with their house arrest needs for over 10 years."